Your divorce lawyer is not your friend, magician, psychic or therapist. That's all you need to know in one little sentence and if you follow this rule, it will save you time, frustration and money.
Your attorney is not there to hold your hand, ask how you are doing, listen to what you are doing,or commiserate with you. NO! The longer you keep them on the phone and discuss issues that are not legal, the bigger your bill will be. When you first decide to retain an attorney, and the bills start coming in, you may not necessarily look at them as closely as you should. Especially if you are the non-monied spouse, you may have a misconception that the monied spouse bears the responsibility. This is just not true, it is not New York law. Avoiding the situation, will not make it go away. Be on top of your bills, and ask questions. If need be, question your attorney, that is your right. One rule and one rule only. NOT YOUR FRIEND. It is a professional relationship and that is all it should be.
Your lawyer is not a magician. They can't perform feats of amazement. They are hindered by the judicial system and the people that are involved in the divorce, and those are the factors that they can and have to deal with. They can't magically make you whole. It is a process. A journey. A roller coaster ride. Sometimes it is a F%#*!@#% shit show. Add any other expletives you want to here.
They cannot predict the future. Your lawyer can tell you what has happened in their experience and they can tell you what should happen. Keep in mind that it does not always work out the way they tell you it will.
Lastly, they should not be listening to your problems and holding your hand. I get it, I was there. I wanted them to do that myself. You spend days going over documents, sending emails, talking to your lawyer, going to court. You want to believe that they truly care about the fact that your soon to be ex just cut off your credit card, that he decided to let the housekeeper go, that the dog walker is not getting paid, that you don't have money for groceries, that he is brainwashing your kid, etc. Save it for your friends and your therapist. Your lawyer is not taking your problems personally, he cares but he doesn't think about them when he/she goes home. The Lawyer is just there to do his/her job, hopefully in your best interests and as your advocate. Tell them your issues, but they cannot offer you the mental support that you may be looking for.
Your lawyer is just that, your lawyer. And for the most part, you are just another client.
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