I love to read, fiction novels mostly. But never in a million years could I ever imagine that my life, my story, would read like this, like a work of fiction. I felt like I was in the twilight zone, that this was not happening to me. I felt like I had stepped out of my body and was watching some movie on television. But no, It was happening to me and I had to gather all my strength to survive.
When I filed for divorce, his first words were "I will fucking destroy you, and I will destroy your family." All said within an inch from my face, invading my personal space, menacing me and with that disgusting smirk of his. I could feel his hatred in every ounce of his words. I defied him yet again, this was the second time that I was filing for divorce. He knew that he wouldn't be able to convince me to stay for the second time. The first time was 10 years ago. I was still young and naive then, and he professed his love to me, said he would change and be the husband and father that I wanted and needed him to be. I wanted to believe him. For myself, and for my children.
Why did I stay for so long? It's a good question, that can't be answered in one blog post. The short answer is that I ignored what was happening in my life. I was distracted by going shopping, vacations, lunching with friends, etc. the stupid things. Things that did not feed my soul, or matter in the long run but were distractions that kept me in the same situation for so long. Also the fear of being alone, fear of him. Shame, admitting what was going on behind close doors.
But what transpired is not something that I could have ever thought possible. What he did to my family and I makes my insides turn every time I think of what he did. He wore his mask for the first several years of my marriage, but when that mask fell off the monster was revealed. I never believed in monsters until I married one.
Truth is stranger than Fiction, this I know first hand.
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